The reason it’s a cliché to say that the death of your child is the worst thing that can happen is because it is true. It really is the worst thing that can happen, and that’s why—clever me—figured out a way to make sure the worst never happened. I would pray regularly that if God—or the fates or the fairies or however it works—had a plan for something really bad to happen to Colin, to please let it happen to me instead.
Turns out it doesn’t work that way.
Every parent wants to be the best for their children, and I was no different. From the day I discovered I was pregnant, I vowed to be the best parent, the best person it was possible for me to be. I didn’t want him to experience the hurt I had in my own childhood. So, his reminder to continue to be his good mother became the lifeboat that allowed me to go on living. It was so kind of him.
